I would like to say that I'm now just excited, but I can't. A pregnancy following a stillbirth is a scary thing, especially when your last pregnancy was absolutely perfect until it wasn't. So far, my doctor has been great and I know he will continue to be! I've been going in for visits every couple of weeks and so far have gotten an ultrasound everytime (although I know those will slow down a little in the future). I did have low pregesterone levels during my first round of blood work, but I am on a supplement for that throughout the first trimester and everything seems to be fine. Around 18 weeks, I will be referred to a high risk specialist in Oklahoma City because any pregnancy following a stillbirth is technnically considered high risk even though what happened to Aubrey was neither a genetic disorder nor preventable. Oh well, with a "high risk" pregnancy comes extra visits and ultrasounds, so I'll take it.
Please don't say, "I told you, just adopt and you'll get pregnant." That makes it sound like we adopted to help us get pregnant which couldn't be further from the truth. We've always wanted to adopt. In fact, we've already talked about when we might adopt again after the pregnancy. Joseph was meant to be a part of our family. I think part of the reason we got him first is because God knew I needed him to help occupy my mind if I was going to go through another pregnancy.
The truth is, I'm still really scared. I will probably be worried about the outcome for the entire pregnency. The truth is, I feel guilty when I think about my other friends who suffer from infertility who have never had the opportunity to be pregnant. The truth is, I worry about how having this baby while Joseph is still so young will effect him. Although, when I think about it, I truly think Joseph will be a great big brother!