6:30am - leave for work
7:00am - first meeting of the day
5:10pm - leave work to come home (he never leaves right at 5)
5:40 - arrive at home, quickly change clothes
5:45 - get in car, I drive us to class while Sam eats a sandwich and Baked Lays
6:00 - class starts
9:00 - class is over
The good news is that we are almost half way through with classes (technically 4/9). Thursday we talked about loss and grief. My friend Denise, who teaches the class, texted my that morning to warn me, so I told Sam as we were driving there. His response was, "Did you tell Denise that we've got this one?" As class was beginning he leaned over and whispered, "I suggest you don't talk tonight because you will cry." When I laughed at his suggestion he got straight faced and said, "I'm serious." All in all, the class wasn't bad (it was definitely better than Tuesday's class that dealt with abuse).
On a slightly different note, I took another step in my healing process this week. I went to the hospital and visited my friend Krystal and her new baby Laken. I hadn't been to the hospital since last May. Krystal is a girl (well, she's my age, what do we call people our age, lady, young lady, I don't know) I work with at my current job who has been so sweet and understanding to me. Although I had already given Krystal a baby gift, I made a hospital gift for Laken for three reasons; (1) I needed a reason that I HAD to go by the hospital so I wouldn't talk myself out of it, (2) a friend made one of these so I was itching to try it, and (3) Krystal and her husband love playing Mario Kart and you just can't find any cute Mario baby clothes.
This thing is seriously cute, right!? I cut a couple of T-shirts apart to make this newborn gown. Although it isn't my best craftsmanship, I like the look of it.
After a couple of deep breaths I was able to enter the hospital and go up to the labor and delivery ward. When I got there I ran into one of the nurses I had while I was in the hospital to deliver Aubrey, I had prepared myself that this might happen so I was able to talk with her without losing it. She didn't know who I was at first, but kept looking at me like she recognized me. When I told her that I was there to deliver my daughter last May she started nodding her head and came over and gave me a hug. We talked for a few minutes then she randomly made a comment about the gift card that we gave her to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory and how awesome it was (see Sam, I told you that was a good choice for women). I finally made it to Krystal's room and talked with them for a little bit before gathering up the courage to hold sweet little, less than a day old, Laken. My heart was beating heavy before and for the first few minutes I was holding him, but quickly calmed down. After I held him for a little while, I gave him back to his daddy and left. This is the part I didn't prepare myself for. I pushed the elevator button and the emotions began, it just felt like I was leaving the hospital empty handed again. I went to my car and sat and cried and called Sam who talked me through it and suggested I go home and take a nap (which I did). Do I regret going to the hospital? Not at all. I needed to take this step and feel that Krystal and her family were very kind in taking that step with me (or rather allowing me to take that step with them).