Monday, November 24, 2014

How Adopting is Like Becoming a Dad

I currently have a friend going through the newborn adoption process in a situation similar to ours, so all the feelings and emotions related to adoption are running pretty high with me right now.  One thing I've joked about throughout the years related to adopting is that as an adoptive mom, during and right after the pregnancy you sometimes feel more like a dad must feel.  It's kind of hard to explain to someone who hasn't been through it, so I did my best to quickly come up with a list of reasons I feel this way.  For the sake of this post, I'll be using 'he' because that was my experience. 

~ Someone else carries your little person around for nine months.  In your heart you know you already love him even though you can't allow yourself to say it (because what if something falls through... even though in reality, even if birth mom chooses to parent, that baby will always hold a special place in your heart and prayers).

~ You might or might not get to go to OB appointments and/or ultrasounds.

~ If you're lucky, you might get to place your hand on that person's belly and feel this little guy move. 

~ Your friends that are all pregnant during the time you are "paperwork pregnant" (there's an adoption term for ya) have baby showers, but you don't because you either a.) have a hard time allowing that to happen for you or b.) people don't know you're in the adoption process.

~ During delivery, you feel totally and completely helpless as you watch birth mom go through labor knowing there is nothing you can do to help. 

~ Depending on the situation, you might get to be the person to cut the umbilical cord. 

~ You might miss your child's birth all together (*raising hand*).

~ Following delivery, all questions regarding baby's care are directed to birth mom leaving you on the sidelines (even if she has repeatedly told them to go ask you, but maybe that was just the hospital we were at) . 

~ At the hospital, you sleep on the uncomfortable pull out couch part of the time (at least I did since whoever was on baby duty at the moment got the good bed, this threw a few nurses off).

~ You wear normal clothes during your entire hospital stay (if you are lucky enough for the hospital to have an open room for you to stay in) and are free to come and go as you please.

~ When they place that little guy in your arms for the first time, you know without a doubt that he is what has been missing from your life and you will love him forever no matter what.

I laugh when I look at this picture, because it is classic adoptive family first picture (both parents in street clothes, standing in front of a bland colored hospital wall, mom's hair is somewhat fixed, baby is at least a couple of hours old).

I'm sure I left some stuff out, so let's hear it adoptive moms.  How do you think adopting is like becoming a dad?


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