Monday, May 9, 2011

My Mother's Day Surprise

I try to be a really positive person (and most of the time I think I succeed), but everyone is allowed a rough day week sometimes, right?  Well, last week was that week for me.  First of all, it was Aubrey's week.  I'm calling it Aubrey's week because it includes the day we discovered she didn't have a heartbeat, her delivery, her funeral, and all the days in between.  This week was also teacher appreciation week, being a teacher is my #2 dream job and what I gave up to stay home with Aubrey.  The topper for this week was Mother's Day, my #1 dream job that I was so looking forward to doing.  Do you know how hard it is to feel like a mom when your only child is an angel?!

For Aubrey's birthday, Sam and I decided to take her some live flowers for a change.  Sam took a stake and fixed it so I could put the flowers in a vase with water so they wouldn't be dead the next day.  In addition to visiting her grave (where Sam read a sweet, sweet letter that he wrote to her for her birthday), we spent Aubrey's birthday getting finger printed, physicals, and going to class. 

Aubrey's birthday flowers

For Mother's Day weekend, Sam and I went camping.  It was a perfect weekend at the lake with just us and the dogs.  We borrowed a couple of kayaks from my former principal and took advantage of the lack of wind Saturday by spending a lot of time on the water.  We were going to stay out there two nights, but decided to come home late Saturday evening after Sam got a terrible sunburn (we now have sunblock on the master camping list). 

Sunday, after church, we went to Aubrey's grave to collect the dead flowers and leave some fake ones.  Imagine my surprise when we pulled up and saw this:
That's right, the daisies died as expected, but the unopened buds bloomed into these beautiful flowers!  I know it's just a simple thing, but this unexpected surprise really turned my week around.  To me it was a little symbolic, the daisies died, but something beautiful and unexpected came of their short life.

I also left a tile that I made for Aubrey by her headstone.  For this tile I used a quote from a Robert Munsch book to say what she means to me. 


  1. I love lily's for that very reason...they are such a potent reminder of the resurrection, and in turn, hope.

  2. Beautiful post, as always. What a sweet Mother's Day surprise! I love that tile. That is one of my most favorite books (even though it makes me cry everytime).

  3. Courtney & Sam,
    I know we have only spent a small amount of time together, (even though we're all family in some way or another) I just have been feeling the need to tell you something! I remember the day we heard about Aubrey and I immediately felt so much grief for the both of you because losing a child (no matter what age) is something really difficult and complex to deal with. I cannot imagine what you both have gone through or felt, and I am so sorry that it happened to you. But when we met last year and got to talking about everything that had happened to you, I just could not imagine a couple more deserving of a child(ren). You two are the most beautiful couple, and truly deserving of many children to love you as much as you undoubtedly would love them. I have been reading your blog since you started it and have spent a large amount of time in tears over everything you both have gone through but as much as everything fell apart, I love that you both are such strong people and are starting to get into your adoption process and still are including Aubrey in everything you do. That sweet baby will never be forgotten and certainly never by you or her little brother or sister, I just so admire the way you do things specifically to honor her memory! I cannot wait to see how everything goes along and Neal and I both hope that you get your adoption seen through fast and as smooth as possible! So I guess all in all what I'm trying to say is, you are such an inspiration to me in many ways, I cannot even begin to try and relate to the pain you have both suffered but you are both amazing people and I am more than sure that any child will be very blessed to have you two as parents! Good luck guys!! :]