Fertility Funnies

The other night I was on Facebook when I noticed (thanks to the little sidebar) that one year previous to that date my status said, ""The clinic" is currently renovating their waiting area.  I wonder if they will update "the room" too?"  I laughed a little laugh at the comments my friends left regarding this status and thought, "maybe I should share some of our other fertility funnies on my blog."  Since, as some of you know, I don't always have a filter, here we go.

At one of our first consultations, our doctor was explaining the different procedure options to us.  When he got to IUI, he pulled a tube out of the drawer and began talking about it.  I said, "I know it's different, but I grew up on a farm, my husband grew up on a ranch, and both of our dad's are certified to AI cattle."  He cut me off with a chuckle and, while putting the tube away, said, "You know more detail than I was going to give you."

The day of our first ever IUI treatment, we discovered that the specimen collection cups they give you are not spill proof.  We noticed this when we began walking into the building and the brown paper lunch bag they give you to carry it in was a little damp.  When we got to the lab, we realized what had happened and tried to salvage as much as possible.  Lesson learned - keep the cup upright!

When it is time for the actual IUI procedure, as the doctor and nurse enter the room, the nurse flashes a little vial at you.  The first time this happened, we both smiled and nodded, not knowing what she was showing us.  As the doctor started the procedure, he asked the nurse if she verified the specimen.  That's when we realized he was referring to the name written on the vial (that we didn't notice at first).   We had a brief moment of panic, but everything worked out. 

There is a room at the clinic where out of town men can collect their specimens.  It's one of those things where everyone knows what happens in that room, but nobody says anything.  I was talking with a couple of nurses about it one day and how I always clean it like crazy before Sam goes in and one of them told me that they refer to men leaving the room as "the walk of shame" because they are all embarrassed and walking with their heads down avoiding eye contact. 

In "the room," they have material for the guys to look at.  Can you believe that people not only steal the magazines, but also the DVD's!  I was shocked when one of the nurses told me that!  Then I asked her who has the job of going to the store to replenish the room (thinking that would be really awkward) and she said nobody wants to do it, that's why it's getting so low. 

One time, they forgot to give me a sheet to cover up with after undressing from the waist down.  Since I visit there 6+ times a month and I was wearing a longish T-shirt, I just plopped myself down on the exam table and waited on them.  I was afraid that if I started looking for one they would come in and see my bare bum (which seems silly when you think about why I was there).  Upon entering the room, they quickly remedied the situation. 

 As for "the room," they did update it...

Before:

After:

There is normally a skirt around the sink.

Yes, I took our camera in "the room" to take pictures.  Yes, my husband was embarrassed.