A question that I get often is, "Have you heard anything about the kids?" I normally answer by telling whoever asked that we are still in the middle of the fertility study and will be represented on September 13th at the state adoption staffing for the first time. They often respond with something along the lines of, "You are so patient." "Keep me updated." or "I'll pray for you." Well, I'm here to tell you that I'm not a patient person by nature. In elementary school, my mom had to take me to the doctor because my stomach was constantly upset. Turns out, I worry too much. I stress about things like being late, doing my best, and hurting others.
When we were doing the first set of fertility treatments (the ones that resulted in Aubrey), I joked that God was teaching me a lesson in patience. When we finally got pregnant, I thought, "Man, I'm glad that lesson is over." I wasn't that person who was ready to "just have this baby already," I cherished every moment. Don't get me wrong, I was ready to meet her, I just wanted it to be when she was good and ready. My husband was telling me just the other night what a trooper I was when I was pregnant (there were times when I would "use" the bathroom at a friend's house or restaurant and he wouldn't even know until we were leaving because I would come out laughing and talking like nothing happened, I even carried a little bottle of mouthwash with me).
Now I realize that my first lesson in patience was just that, the FIRST lesson. Anyone who knew me before I had Aubrey knows that I'm a different person now. I'm much more laid back and don't worry about near as much as I used to. I still worry about some things, just not little stuff like a perfectly straight and square bulletin board (yeah, I used to stress BIG time about that). One part of my personality that hasn't changed is my desire to make the best of any situation, I figure you can either laugh or cry so I choose to laugh.
I'm not sure what God's trying to teach me now, but I'm doing my best to meet his expectations. Until I know what it is, I'll keep waiting. Waiting to find out if the latest fertility treatment worked. Waiting to start the next fertility treatment. Waiting to get "the call" from DHS. Waiting to see my first born again in Heaven (I'm in no rush for this one, it's just something I look forward to).